Before I get sidetracked by another newsletter story, I want to remind you that tax season is in full force. If you haven’t scheduled an appointment yet, please contact us right away. It’s getting about that time for extensions, so call soon even if you just need an extension.
Because of the tax season I’ve been pretty busy and really don’t have a great adventure to write about. But, as I write this, Valentine’s Day was only a few weeks ago and is still fresh on my mind. It’s been awhile since I’ve written about dating, which can be an adventure in it of itself, so I decided why not. You all seemed to get a good laugh about the last time I wrote regarding the infamous ‘gas incident’. If you’ve been getting this for a few years you may remember, but if you’re new to the newsletter in the last few years, just know it was a very unfortunate and somewhat painful situation and I’ll leave it at that. Maybe I’ll re-circulate that one as it was the one story of all of them that I got the most calls and emails about. I can see that many of you enjoy other people’s misfortune!
I’ve been single a long time, for most of my life as a matter of fact, other than a 5 year stint as a civilized man in the mid-eighties. For the most part I’ve enjoyed being single, and as the newsletter can attest, I’ve had many great adventures that probably would not have occurred had I led a more traditional lifestyle. Most of the time, I’m happy with that circumstance, but every once in a while, sometimes sparked by an empty Valentine’s Day eve, and sometimes just tinged by the occasional lonely day, I get to thinking about quality time with the opposite sex. The day after Valentines’ I met with two lovely friends, also long term singles, one of which is Congo (she is a lifelong friend I met on the Appalachian Trail – see newsletter on “trail names” for an explanation of how people get nicknames such as Congo on the AT) and we had a good time discussing a book she had read called “Quirky Alone”. She read a few excerpts from it and we all got some laughs as well as insights from the passages, which probably is the real driving force behind this particular newsletter. In any case, I have friends that have met via internet dating and it has turned out pretty good for them. It really seems to make sense for the busy professional that doesn’t get out much. I tried it awhile back. They bill it as a great way for busy people to meet other busy people. But don’t buy that pitch, as it is a big black hole of a time suck when it gets right down to it. But I tried it. If you’ve been married awhile, maybe some of this will spark a trip down memory lane. In any case, here’s a peak into single life as I know it.
The first date was pretty short. Before we even left the driveway she asked if I believed in reincarnation. I innocently answered that no, I didn’t really believe in reincarnation and didn’t really know much about it. I received a 20 minute angry monologue on why I’m a narrow minded fascist for not believing in it. No discussion, no opportunity to learn, just guilty. You ever had one of those dates? It’s Burger King for you Baby, and home by 8:00!
However, in the process, I did meet a really nice wildlife biologist and we had a pleasant dinner and a great conversation. She was more worthy of the Chop House and we had a nice time. Do you remember the story about night hiking through a swamp along the Appalachian Trail? I said at one point, under the full moon, and amidst the screaming Peeper frogs, I heard what sounded like a woman screaming? Terrifying night, but that’s another story. She, being a wildlife biologist, confirmed that yes, the screaming sound probably was the noises bobcats make in their mating rituals. Being a wildlife biologist she gave me a very detailed account of the mating practices of bobcats and exactly what those two kittens were doing on their private little island in the bayou. Me, being an accountant, just blushed for 45 minutes. Nice girl though, and for someone she’s a keeper. But for me, well, she’s not the outdoor kind of wildlife biologist, but is more of a cubical researcher wildlife biologist. As a matter of fact, she doesn’t like going into the woods and the thought of getting dirt under the fingernails didn’t appeal to her. It was pretty much a classic case of she’s an indoor kitty, and I’m and outdoor dog. But it was worth the price of dinner to learn so much about bobcats.
Then there’s the woman who stole two entire elk. Freshly harvested, butchered and freezer wrapped. Gone! My friends HATE her. Mostly because when I have that much meat I tend to be pretty generous with the organic free range delicious elk steaks, and there were none to go around. That could be a whole newsletter, so I’ll just say in passing… you married guys out there, on the way home pick up some flowers, go home and give your girl the biggest hug ever. I know, things aren’t always perfect, but think back and remember… dating really can suck! Kissing lots of frogs doesn’t guarantee a princess.
So, now it’s tax season and I’ve gotten the dating jones out of my system. I’m not worried though, because I’m getting older. As accountants (due to IRA distribution requirements and annuity type tax stuff), we are pretty familiar with the life expectancy tables for both men and women. I can see that in the not so distant future there will be lots of available women and not many guys around chasing them. I’ll just keep running a few times a week and doing lots of pushups and things should work out just fine.
And, heck, when all is said and done, if it turns out that I’m wrong about the reincarnation thing… I hope I come back as a bobcat!
Take care and God bless. Hope the season is treating you well. I have to get back to the taxes, so see you soon (or call for that extension)!
PS Every now and again a newer client asks why I write these stories, they don’t really seem to be “tax” newsletters. Would you really read this if I wrote about tax law changes each month? Me either. Life is short, I hope you enjoy the stories.